


Senior Year is a Midlife Crisis

by wiltin



Series: Senior Year is a Midlife Crisis (A Total Drama Fic Collection) [1]
Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Compulsive Heterosexuality, F/F, F/M, Heathers References, Highschool AU, M/M, comp het, whats a straight person?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiltin/pseuds/wiltin
Summary: Gwen and Noah enter their senior year with plenty of good friends. However, when those friends start to change, the stability they always thought they'd have comes crashing down. Maybe some friends just aren't always meant to be friends.





	1. In Which Noah is Dramatic

Gwen looked at the bulletin board hanging on the wall of her homeroom. Cheerleading, band, football, math team, yearbook, photography… Nothing interesting. School for the day was over, and not many people crowded around the bulletin as they had at lunch or before school. Of course, already signed up for cheerleading was Heather Culus, Lindsay Amber, and Izzy Loco. Everyone knew that Izzy never made cheerleading, but she always signed up. Under football, there were the usual names of Lightning Jefferson, Alejandro Burromuerto, and Justin Timber. However, there was a new name there. Owen had signed up for football? That was... odd.

“Heeeey, Gwen! Are you signing up for photography club this year? Ooh, maybe yearbook!” The grinning face of Sierra Stocks obstructed her view. It was hard to avoid her, especially when she knew everyone’s schedules by heart. 

“Uh, no! Not this year, haha.”

“But it’s senior year? It’s now or never.”

“No, I’m just not very… Good at arranging pictures! Yeah, that's it, my skills are no match for yours, obviously.”

“Omg, how about photography? Didn’t you, like, take a bunch of pictures that won some contest or something? You should totally sign up for photography!”

“Nah, sorry, school clubs really just aren’t my scene, y’know?”

“That’s what my adorable little Cody says! It’s ridiculous. Anywho, see ya later.” Sierra hopped off.

A tile on the ceiling was moved, and out poked a head. “Is she gone?”

“Yeah, but how the hell did you get up there?” Cody came crashing to the floor, grinning.

“Owen helped me out, anyway, Gwen, if you’re free after school-”

“Sorry, I have to come to tryouts with the gang. We usually go for Owen’s guy-thirsting over Justin’s sake, but he actually signed up this time, so I’ll probably have to be there even longer.”

“Woah, Owen is trying out for football? I just hope it’s not like the time he tried out for cheerleading…” Owen had tried to be on the top of the pyramid. It didn’t last. Lindsay broke her leg.

“It won’t be, I think. At least he can’t crush as many people in one go. Probably.”

“But he can crush  _ on _ as many people! Eh, eh?”

“Yeah, that’s not worth a laugh.”

“Sorry. Too bad Izzy can’t support him, what with her tryouts and all.”

“Yeah, too bad. Who knew such a psychopath was capable of having a crush?”

“Uh, Sierra ring a bell?”

“You called? Cody, my love, I am here!” Cody ran off, and straight into Noah.

“Do you mind, Allergy Boy?” Noah stooped down to pick up a paper that had been knocked out of his hand, but Sierra beat him to it. 

“A love letter?”

“Give that back!” Noah’s face was red as he attempted to snatch the envelope back.

“Oooh, who’s it for? I gotta know for my blog-” Noah grabbed it in a fist, and nearly ripping it, he managed to get the envelope back. 

“Bug off.” Noah walked away, the envelope still crumpled in his fist. Sierra still had a gleeful look on her face.

“This will be fun. I already ship it! I can’t wait to make a ship name.”

“Ship… Name?”

“It’s like a merging of name-”

“Did you actually see who the letter was addressed to?”

“Nope. OMG, I have to get to my locker. Bye, Codykins!” Sierra ran off, and Cody faced Gwen once more.

“Who do you think it was for, if it even was a love letter?” Cody asked.

“No idea. Maybe… Lindsay?” Gwen laughed, and Cody joined in.

“No way, she’s too dumb for him!” Cody exclaimed.

“Yeah… that’s the joke…?” Gwen stared at him. “Anyways, Noah never even talks about girls. For all we know, he’s gay, so we can’t rule guys out here.”

“Gay? Haha, I can’t see him as gay. He’s about as gay as you!”

“Cody?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m a lesbian.”

 

Earlier that day, at lunch, in the cafeteria- Owen was checking his phone. He opened up the school app and saw an anonymous message.

‘dont post this, dont tell anyone about it, just read this quickly.

i cant come off anon for this, but i just wanted you to know

I think im in love w/u’ (Help i cant write)

Owen’s eyes scanned the message, growing wider with every word.

“Yo! Ooh, you got a message, Big O? Can I read it?” Izzy looked over his shoulder. Owen quickly pressed delete.

“Izzy! It’s so great to see you! See, it was just, uh, spam mail! Yes, spam mail, that’s definitely it, not a love confession or anything!”

“Hey…” She squinted. “Can I have your pudding cup?”

“Oh-ho! Yeah, sure, Iz!” He mainly gave it to her to ease her suspicion, but his appetite had disappeared anyways. Surprising, knowing him.

“Anyways, Big O, I’m sorry I can’t come to your tryouts to support you, but y’know i’ve got one of my own.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s no big deal.” Owen laughed. “I understand, Iz. Cheerleading is important to you.” 

“Oh, right, Owen, I almost forgot! I have to go.”

“Oh. Bye, Iz!”

 

After school, Noah read over the note again, one last time before he went to the football field to watch Owen try out. 

‘I know you sent the message. I won’t tell him unless you pursue him.’

He truly was in trouble.

 

Gwen went to the football field to watch tryouts. Only a couple people sat in the stands. She walked over to where her friends sat. 

“Hey, Gwen.” Bridgette greeted.

“Hey, welcome!” DJ gave Gwen a high-five, for whatever reason he had for high-fiving someone for just showing up. 

“Hi, Gwen!” Cody smiled.

“Hey, guys.” She sat down, and they were silent for a moment.

“Hey, Noah, you’re being awfully quiet. No ‘hey there goth girl, congrats on finally showing up’?”

“Hey there, goth girl, congrats on finally showing up.” Gwen smiled, gently punching his shoulder, and sat down on the bleachers, casting her eyes out to the field. She heard a yell behind her. 

“OH COME ON! ACTUALLY PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!” Gwen looked behind her and saw Courtney, yelling at the top of her lungs. 

“Could you keep it down, Courtney?” Gwen suggested.

Courtney grew sheepish and muttered something that sounded like ‘sorry,’ and Gwen returned her attention to the auditions, or at least pretending to, all while not noticing the blush on Courtney’s cheeks.

After a lot of things and stuff that had to do with football, none of which Gwen understood or paid much attention to, the tryouts were over with. Noah’s grip on his book subtly tightened as Owen ran over to the bleachers where his friends sat, a grin on his face.

“I feel like I did pretty good!” Owen was optimistic, and for all Gwen knew about football, he could have done the worst or the best job, and it would all look the same to her.

“Yeah, Owen, you did great! I’m sure you’ll make it.” Gwen tried to be enthusiastic.

“Yeah, haha, I don’t know… do you think I did okay?”

Gwen froze. She didn’t know how sports worked. Had he done good? Would she be lying to him if she said that he did great? In any case it seemed the correct course of action.

“Yeah, you did great!”

“You hesitated. Hey, Noah, what’s that you’re reading?” Owen immediately forgot about the whole football scenario. Noah slammed his book shut, shoving it in his bag.

“Nothing.” His face was tinted red.

Bridgette stared at Noah. “Was that a football that I saw on the cover?”

“So what? Maybe I wanna learn more about my friend’s hobbies! Maybe I want to support my friends!” He was getting defensive, and his face was so strikingly red, it made tomatoes seem tame.

“Awww, thanks, dude!” Owen enveloped Noah into a hug. Gwen could’ve sworn she heard a crack.

“Right, well, I should be getting home,” Noah’s muffled voice said. Owen released him. “See you tomorrow, big guy- er, Owen.”

Noah walked away and off the football court (?). Owen watched him go.

“What’s up with him?” Owen asked as Gwen sighed.

“I don’t know, but he was my ride.”

 

Later that night, Gwen walked out her front door. She had just had dinner, and felt like Noah might need someone to talk to. She had had to get a ride from DJ’s mom, who had a very clean car, but it was ancient. She walked over to the house next door, and rang the doorbell.

There was no answer. Noah’s room light was on, and from experience, Noah was far too much of a green-thumbed nerd to leave his light on when he wasn’t home. Gwen glared at the window, ringing the doorbell again. This time, the light turned off, and she heard footsteps from inside.

There was a moment where someone stood at the door, probably looking through the peephole, and then the door opened.

“Noah, why do you never answer the door on the first ring?”

“I thought it might be Owen. But you’re the only person I know that would ever ring it again after nobody answers.”

“Everyone else is too polite,” Gwen said as Noah chuckled a little, and opened the door more so Gwen could come in.

His house was what you would expect from an upper-middle-class family with one uber-smart child. Staircase in the entryway, everything perfectly clean, and decorated to perfection. That’s just what you get when your dad’s a lawyer and your mom’s an interior designer.

It was disgusting.

“Noah, what’s been up with you lately?” Gwen plopped down on the uber-plush couch which she had ripped a hole into back in second grade.

“Nothing. Does it seem like something’s up with me?” Noah may have been a good liar, but Gwen had known him for years.

“I’ll be short with you, then. You’re acting weird around Owen. You don’t notice what’s happening around you, even when you aren’t reading-- and you were reading a book about football, for heaven’s sakes!” Gwen caught her breath. “Noah, do you like Owen?”

Noah stared at the wall for awhile. Must’ve been an interesting spot.

“Isn’t that where you kicked a hole in the wall in fifth grade?” So it was. The plaster was still a bit uneven.

“Noah…”

“I’m not avoiding the question. I’ve just been… trying to tell myself that I don’t, that you’re wrong…” Noah sighed. “He has Izzy.”

“He doesn’t like Izzy. At least you’re not crushing on a straight person either, I know how that feels. Isn’t it lucky that he’s bi--?”

“No, it isn’t. Don’t treat it like that. He’s a person, not some… some love interest that I’m ‘lucky’ is attracted to my gender.” Noah was getting agitated. “Even if-- even if Izzy wasn’t there, I’m not his type! Have you seen Justin?” A solitary tear fell from Noah’s eye. “God, why am I crying? It’s his life, he can like whoever he likes.”

“What if he liked you? What would you do?”

“I’m not going to glorify that with a response. If I imagine, if I fantasize, I’ll almost start believing it, and I don’t want to delude myself.”

“Okay.” She decided not to push him. They sat in silence for a moment. “Have you eaten?”

“No.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Gwen, stop.”

She looked at him again. His face withheld emotion. “You need to eat. You of all people know this. Now, I’m going to make you dinner, and it’s on you if you waste it. Think of the children in Africa.”

“Africa is an entire continent, not everyone there-- oh, fine. Whatever.”

Gwen walked to the kitchen, which was separated from the living room by a door, and was separated from the dining room by a counter. She grabbed cheese and mayonnaise from the fridge, and a loaf of bread from the breadbox. Time to cook.

“Gwen, your cooking is shit.” Noah stared at the plate which Gwen had placed in front of him. The bread was soaked in oil and not browned at all, and the cheese was barely melted. “Do you even know how to cook?”

“Nooooot well.” Gwen sat across from him at the table. “Please, man, talk to me.”

“About what? My feelings and shit? My feelings are that I have a big fuckin’ crush and not a chance in the world with him.” Noah was  _ such _ a mess.

“Well, don’t barf flowers just yet, sunshine, you don’t know for sure if he does like you or not.”

Gwen stood back up as Noah buried his face in his hands. Gwen went to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of ‘Chips Ahoy!’ from the pantry.

“Alright, Noah, we need to take your mind off this before we come up with a solution worth shit. How about Love, Simon and cookies to help you?

“Too emotional. Let’s binge Ghibli movies.”

“Good call.”


	2. Sierra's Reform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sierra goes through a crisis. That's the whole chapter. Good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the first one because I realized I added a character that I didn't wanna introduce yet. Anyways, have fun reading what happens when you project too hard onto a character you honestly relate to! Featuring my refusal to edit anything because i want to post it as soon as possible!

Alternate POV- Noah, 3rd person limited

“You made it? Good job!” Noah hugged Owen tightly.

“Woah, Noah, who knew you could hug so tight.” A voice came from behind him. An annoyingly goth voice. Whatever that meant. She really needed to just shut up around Owen and him.

“What do you mean, _Gwen._ ” Noah’s voice was heavy with accusation. She backed off, hands raised.

Sierra came to school different that day. When Cody ducked behind Noah to hide, she didn’t even ask where Cody went. She just walked past, sporting what could only be described as a poker face. Or just a neutral expression, Noah often read too much into things. Or too little.

 

At lunch, the irregularity was repeated. She sat alone at a table. Far away from Cody. It was so peculiar, her name could be heard ringing around the lunchroom in whispers. Heather walked over to ‘ask’ her about it, or just make fun of Sierra for her stalker-ish tendencies, and Sierra snapped at her.

“Why don’t you mind your own fucking business, _Heather._ ” Heather’s face changed. She walked away, silent. Unreadable. Lindsey stood up and started to speak as Heather approached, but Heather just walked right past.

 

During free period, the Seniors were allowed to roam the school grounds. Noah was called over by his friends ‘group’. His _clique_ , his whatever.

Cody was there. Sierra was not. They talked about things that didn’t matter much. Owen was about ten feet away at another of the park tables the seniors were seated at. The sun shined uncomfortably with the last of the summer rays. It was like, 85 out there, and Noah was not going to grin and bear it. He was wearing far too many layers for that. Far too many.

Noah left his friends outside to cook, while he got some sweet, sweet a/c. The halls were mostly empty as the seniors were mostly outside and the younger grades were in classes. Noah passed by the main hallway and into the locker hall. He opened his locker without a sound, and grabbed a book. _Football for Dummies._ On the other side of his locker, where there was another row of lockers, he heard a sniffle.

“Damned allergies…” It was Sierra’s voice. Noah hesitated, then tried to close his locker as quietly as possible. The hinges, however chose that time to hate him, and they squeaked. The locker door closed with an unintentional slam. Holy shit, universe. What did Noah ever do to you?

“Who’s there? Noah, is that you?” She knew? Was she psychic?

“No.” Noah managed.

“Thank god!” Her head peeked around the side of the lockers. “We need to talk. I need advice.”

 

And that’s how Noah found himself talking to Sierra Stocks during his free period in a janitor’s closet. It was the worst and most suspicious place for Sierra to take him to talk, but it was total in its privacy. After they removed Bridgette and Geoff, that is.

“Not to sound annoyingly gay, but ugh, straight people, am I right?” Noah muttered, forgetting that only Gwen appreciated such witticisms. Sierra sighed.

“I’m starting to agree.” What the fuck. Hell. Shit. Damn.

“What?” The surprise in Noah’s voice sounded so foreign to him.

“I learned a… term, I guess… which I… I found scarily describes my circumstance.”

“Uh… Huh.” Noah was completely doubtful this had anything to do with him. Why was she talking to him? Was she trying to reinforce the GBF stereotype? How very Heather of her.

“Compulsive heterosexuality.” Oh. Shit, dude. “I’ve been thinking, what if Cody liked me? What if we actually started dating? I don’t… I don’t think I want that. I was blinded by how… cool I thought he was a year ago when I first transferred. He was the first guy I met here, so I latched on instantly. I became obsessed, because isn’t that what’s… What’s supposed to happen…” She got choked up, and took a moment to continue. “Isn’t that how all relationships start? The chase? And when I started seeing his many flaws… His childish personality… I ignored it. He seemed achievable. He seemed like a low enough bar to reach. I felt so _fucking_ lonely. I had no friends here or at my old school.

“I couldn’t even fathom that I didn’t fit in because… because of some cultural divide… some stupid fucking thing like being gay.”She buried her face in her hands. Noah looked from side to side. Holy shit, what was he supposed to do? She brought her head back up. “He seemed like, perfect to me then. Soyboys, what better? So feminine and cute. I sound so dumb… I’m sorry. It’s just… Why am I even talking to you, right? Well…” She sniffled, making eye contact. Noah looked away. Eye contact was _not_ Noah’s thing.

“It’s kinda similar, our situations.”

“No. I don’t have a creepy stalker crush on cody, comp het or not.”

“No, not that. You and Owen. An unrequited love, I guess. Well, as far as I’m aware, I’m not trying to imply--”

“Get to the point.”

“I… am going to sound so dumb. Soooo… you know… uh, Heather Culus.”

“Holy fuck, Sierra. _Heather?_ ”

“Guess I’m a sucker for a… hot, powerful woman. Not powerful like, in an Eva way, but, like, in a Heather way. Obviously.”

“You’re basically just a romantic sub, then?”

“A sandwich?”

“Nevermind. Well… I think your first steps are the apologies. Then you try and get yourself out there as yourself, not as an accessory of Cody. Cody is not a good look on you. Then, try and befriend Heather. Veronica Sawyer it if you have to. I’ve always loved them together. Macnamawyer is a bit dull.”

“Noah?”

“Oh, right. Try and get to know the her inside of her.”

“Noah.”

“Sorry. Also, that coulda been taken two ways and either way is fine, it’s your life, though I don’t think you’re eighteen yet, are you--”

“Thanks for the advice, but I think that’s enough.” Sierra stood up, wiping her eyes. “Shit, are my eyes still red?”

“Not noticeably. Go get ‘er.”

 

Noah was completely exhausted. When he got back to the group, nobody was saying a word. Cody was sitting in shock.

“What did she say?”

“Are you psychic or a spy?”

“I’m a little tired for banter, Gwen. What did Sierra say?” Cody looked straight at Noah. Noah looked at his ear. Ew. His forehead was slightly more had-ever-touched-soap, and was better than eye contact.

“She…” Cody blinked. “She said--”

“She said, ‘Cody, I’m gay and I never had a crush on you and I’m sorry for being a creep, bye.’ I think that was word for word.” Gwen cut in. Why did Cody even sit with them?

“That was… I’m not even sure how to act now. How did you know she said something? And… why did you not seem surprised, man?” Leshawna cut in with the one question Noah was embarrassed to answer.

“She… Asked me for advice? She talked about comp het, how she only liked cody cause he was a soyboy--”

“Hey!”

“-- And about her mega-crush on, uh, someone whom I should not talk about because rumors spread fast and that is a violation of privacy, a break of trust--”

“What advice did you give her, Noah?” Gwen grounded him.

“I told her to apologise, firstly. Then to act like her real self instead of Cody’s only personality trait besides Fortnite--”

“Hey!”

“--And some bad advice about Veronica Sawyer-ing it to get to her crush. I made an excellent joke that might give it away, so I’ll tell it to Gwen later, since she’s such a dumbass--”

“Yeah, I am.”

“--But it was pretty great, Gwen. Thinking back, it actually wasn’t. It was about normal joke quality. For me, at least.”

“So… good? Tell us, dude!” Owen looked at Noah with his cute, cute eyes…

“It’s not… Nah, it’s a little bit, a little bit, uh… Not for your ears, Owen.”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Man, guys,” Cody interrupted. “My ego is a little bit… Beaten.”

“Why, ‘cause every girl you thought you had a chance with is a lesbian?” Gwen rolled her eyes.

“To simplify it? Kinda. Am I really a soyboy?”

“Toxic masculinity kills, man. Embrace it.” DJ came in with the good advice. Noah felt bad for not noticing DJ was there.

“Do you all think that I’m immature?” Owen looked around as everyone became silent. “I’m plenty mature! I… I know things! I can do… I can do… Shhh… Shiiii….. Stuff!” Owen stood up as he spoke.

“I’m not a baby. I… I’m a person.” Owen looked from face to face. There was one emotion filling the air that even Noah could recognise, as he was experiencing it, too.

Guilt.

Owen stormed off. Noah stood up without thinking. Everyone looked at him. Noah sat back down.

“Let’s let him be alone.”

 

POV switch, third person omniscient

 

Unbeknownst to the group, Owen wasn’t alone. He was looking for someone. He wasn’t thinking. The only tangible thought going through his brain was that he needed to show them that he was responsible. He was mature. He was almost eighteen, for goodness sake. That was what was going through his head. He was a fool. And so, at this one break period on that warm late-summer day, something good for everyone, and something bad for everyone happened.

One would travel the school that very day, zooming through the hallways, yet missing a crucial detail, and another would become known later that night. When people were looking through their social media pages. Unironic spit takes, perhaps. And a completely oblivious someone sleeping through it all.

As for Sierra? Her life was about to get a lot more interesting. That is what often becomes of the miscommunication of a joke. Sierra was about to go through something she never predicted possible. A cliche coming true. An idol, a dictator, accepting an apprentice. Just like the stories and cult classics we know so well.

“Lindsey, hand me your makeup bag.” Lindsey handed her a yellow bag. “No, the pink one, dumbass.”

“Oh, sorry, Heather!” Lindsey had never seen Heathers, so she often said the most ironic things.

“What color… Red or orange?”

“Red is your color, Heather.”

“Might as well change my last name to Chandler.” Heather rolled her eyes. “Orange it is. Gloss, I think. But not too clear, we still want some orange there.”

Sierra endured as Heather put mascara on her, and a pretty badass wing on each eye. Her face was a little hot. Or maybe it was just the room. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t.

“Your skin is pretty great. And such a cute natural blush.” Heather looked at her face intently as the ‘natural blush’ deepened. She didn’t seem to notice a change on the darker girl’s skin. “Maybe a tad red, but it is a little warm in here.” Maybe heather was oblivious, but the school _did_ often neglect to a/c every room in the school. Funding cuts. Laziness. It’s the sad truth of public schools.

“Oh, plus we don’t exactly have your shade of foundation.”

“Oh my god, Lindsey.”

“It’s fine. I don’t like how foundation feels.” The two girls gaped at her.

“Sierra… To be like us, to change how people see you… it’s gonna take a little bit of elbow grease. Ugh, I hate that term. It’s gonna take some work. Lucky for you, A little shopping trip can carry a lot of weight.”

“Ooh, I like that metaphor, Heather! Very deep!”

“Shut up, Lindsey.”

“Right. I’m sorry, Heather.”

“So what do you say, Sierra?” The deep brown of Heather’s eyes cut into Sierra’s soul. It cleared her thoughts a little. Only one was left. She wanted to do everything Heather said. She was perfect after all. And like a spell, but more accurately like Sierra’s obsessive personality issues, she agreed to go shopping with Heather after school. What could possibly happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate how short my paragraphs look on this website...


	3. Gwen Continues her Streak of Being a Useless Lesbian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new students. that is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight TW in the last paragraph for mild but not explicitly stated suicidal ideation?(if that makes sense lol, its basically just self-deprecation??) Also I mention duncan so im sorry ... happy wrath month.

Noah heard his phone buzz next to him. He rolled over in bed, ignoring it, trying to press his eyelids closed. If it was Gwen texting him, he was too emotionally drained to answer. It buzzed several more times. He had half a mind to check his phone, when it stopped. Curiosity would have to wait until morning. It was like, ten pm. That’s late for a reasonable person like Noah. Gwen must’ve been insane.

He dreamt strange dreams that night. Jason Dean from Heathers, like, Ryan McCartan J.D., was asking Noah to buy him a lollipop. Except, the workers at the candy shop were Sierra and Owen. Owen started yelling at Noah about why he wanted a lollipop. Why was he so selfish? Why did he want a lollipop?

It was a bizarre dream.

That morning, Noah groggily checked his phone. The texts were mostly from Gwen. And one from Sierra. Noah checked his messages from Gwen. 

“omg, sorry bro.”

“hello?”

“right, you don't have twitter. nerd”

“uhh bro like,, its baaaad.”

After the last message there was just a screenshot. It was a Twitter post from Owen. The text above the picture caused Noah to drop his phone in shock. Onto his bed. “In a Relationship”.

And the picture was of Owen and Izzy.

 

“Noah’s sick?” Cody asked. “Didn’t he, like, even come to school when he had mono?”

“He tried. He hasn’t answered any of my texts, which makes me think that maaaybe…”

“He has heat stroke? He’s in a coma? He was diagnosed with lung cancer from the second-hand smoke of his secret real best friend?”

“The _ Owen thing _ .”

“Why would Noah care about the Owen thing?” Cody laughed. “Anyways, I need to get going. I have secret things to do.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not even going to ask what secret things I’m doing?” Cody pressed.

“Nope. Have fun. Sierra is forcing me to talk to her. She sent me this huge message explaining that she was friends with Heather now and she needed  _ my _ advice. Plus she heard the boundaries for  _ Andrew High  _ changed, and now some people are transferring here. It’s this whole dumb thing.”

“Oh, don’t wanna be around to talk to Sierra. Have fun.” Cody left nothing in his wake but the vague smell of bologna. What the fuck.

Sierra walked in looking… the only word for it was  _ different _ . Her curly purple hair was straightened, and you could really see her dark roots. She was wearing a sleeveless yellow shirt that was  _ in fashion _ . The real shocker was the skirt. And the orange lips. She looked… well, she actually made Gwen turn breathless. Plenty of people were staring.

“Gwen!” She waved a small little wave at her. Not a full-arm wave. She was smiling almost coyly, instead of her usual grin.

“Sierra?” Gwen looked her up and down as she approached. Her skirt was short. Sierra had shaved her legs. She could honestly be a model. She was tall and fit, yet still pretty curvy. In short, she was like, super attractive. “Wait, are you wearing makeup? Is that eyeliner?”

“Oh, I’m just wearing a bit.” The laugh that came out was unnatural. 

“Just ‘cause you’re hanging with Heather doesn’t mean you should stop being yourself. Dorks are cute, it’s scientifically proven. Plus, if you wanna get the girl--”

“--He told you?” Sierra interrupted. That was the most Sierra thing she had done all day. Interruption.

“It was necessary, I promise. His jokes are hilarious.” Gwen smiled a bit. “But I won't tell a soul. My lips are zipped and sealed.” She mimed removing the zipper and throwing it away, then shrugged exaggeratedly.

Sierra snorted. “Fine. I’ll be myself.”

“Don’t stalk her--”

“My actual self, not my comp het self.” Sierra sighed. “But what I was actually gonna ask is… how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Get girls to like you? Especially such sought-after girls as Courtney? And you’re so chill about it, it’s almost as if you didn’t… know?”

“Courtney? Whatever, Sierra. You read too much into things.” Gwen paused. “Wait, why do you think that? What are you reading too much into, exactly?”

“Remember that field trip to the funzone?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember how you barely know her and she offered to drive you in a go-kart when you said you were scared of driving?”

“Maybe? That’s just a nice thing to do.”

“She was so red! Remember how when she moved here, she got a boyfriend, met you, and miraculously, they broke up and Duncan moved away?”

“He just moved away, Sierra. You don’t have any real proof, do you?”

“The thing is, the day he moved away, I heard her loudly announce when you were standing a few feet away, that she broke up with him because there was someone else.”

“Sierra?”

“Yeah?”

“That literally proves nothing! She’s probably straight, who knows.”

“Oh, Gwen. I can’t wait to prove you wrong.” Sierra sighed, then perked up again. “Oh, those new students from Andrew High, I live near a few of them! I can tell you some stuff about them.”

“Oh, please do.”

“Well, there’s Joe and Dakota for one thing. Joe is a jock, but not quite in an Eva way. Dakota is super rich, and I only know her ‘cause of a party my mom went to at their house where she drank too much wine and I had to drive us home.”

“Oh...kay. Anyone else?”

“Hmm, there’s Dawn. We live on the same cul-de-sac, but I haven’t talked to her since the Ouija party.”

“Wow. Okay, who else?”

“There’s Mike? He has D.I.D., and Mike is the host’s name. There’s also… I think 5 alters? I watched a video on it when I met him so I could better understand how to be good about it.”

“That’s… pretty cool. Is that all?”

“That I know? Yep. I do know that Mike is in a relationship with this one chick, though. Zoey, I think was her name. Man, neighborhood get-togethers are sucky and weird.”

“Well, thanks, Sierra. I guess.” Gwen turned away. Gee. Nobody particularly interesting. Friendships wise, the Mike situation was actually pretty cool.

Noah. Fuck. She had entirely forgotten about him. He was cast back into her mind quite suddenly. For some reason, two phrases she had told him kept floating back to her mind from the night before last.

The first one was ‘he doesn’t like Izzy,’ and maybe that was true. But why would he start dating her? And one more thing. It stuck cruelly in her mind. There wasn’t even a point. ‘Don’t start barfing flowers, yet, sunshine.’ Never had she been more grateful that Hanahaki disease was only an overused fanfiction trope.

She wasn’t even aware of what she was looking for until she found him. She couldn’t feel her legs as she approached him. He was so much taller than her, talking to a guy she didn’t recognise. She didn’t care.

She was barely aware of what she was doing until she was right next to him. She spat, “What the fuck are you trying to prove?”

“What? Gwen?” Owen looked a little scared. “What--”

“Did you even stop to think what you were doing? Do you even like her?” People started to stare at that point. Gwen couldn’t care less.

“Gwen, I’m allowed to--”

“Did you even think about how…” She couldn’t say Noah. “...Your friends would feel about this?”

“It’s not your guys’ choice what I do!”

“Owen, we both know it’s not. But you can’t be serious about this relationship!”

“Gwen? Fuck off.” The hallway went silent. Gwen backed off, turning and pushing through the crowd that had formed. She couldn’t do this today. She couldn’t do anything today. She sighed, left shoulder leaning against a locker, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was the guy Owen was talking to.

“Hey, I’m Mike. What was that all about?”

“Mike! I’ve heard about you!” Gwen was shocked to be meeting the guy already. According to new student cliches, that meant they would become friends. Gwen wasn’t usually one for cliches.

“Uh… not quite sure how to respond to that.” He laughed a bit nervously.

“Oh, Sierra Stocks was telling me about some of the students transferring here. You made the list of people she knew, I guess.”

“Uh, well, you’ve got an advantage there, then. You are?”

“Gwen. Gwen Tanaka.”

“Nice to meet you. Uh, back to my question, what was that about?”

“I’d tell you, but then I might have to kill you.”

“Uhh…”

“The truth about it is, Owen is dating someone we’re pretty sure he doesn’t like, I’m pretty sure it’s to prove he’s mature or something. And the big problem with that is that a friend of mine has a secret crush on him, so it’s whatever.”

“Do you… often tell people about your friends’ secret crushes?”

“Never. But you seem like too much of a goody-two-shoes to tell Owen. And especially Izzy.”

“Oh, Izzy Loco! I’ve met her, she seems nice.”

“Seems. Anyways, I should get going. Got… things to do.” Gwen walked away. Her social battery was getting dangerously low.

Gwen walked through the hallways, navigating to a spot where nobody ever went before classes-- the Dungeons and Dragons club room.

She was approaching the club rooms when she saw someone she didn’t recognise, which wouldn’t be unusual if she didn’t look like a senior. She must’ve been a transfer from Andrew High. She was looking down at a schedule, but when Gwen approached, she looked up.

Gwen’s breath caught in her throat. She could barely register what was happening as the girl rushed over. She barely heard the words she spoke.

“Hey, do you know where I can find Mrs. Masterson’s classroom?”

Gwen tried to speak, but her words caught. She cleared her throat to respond, “There’s two Mrs. Mastersons. We call them Mrs. J and Mrs. C. What does it say she teaches?”

“3D Art and Design.”

“Oh, I have that, too. That would be Mrs. C.”

“Funny that they have the last name, huh. What are the chances.” Gwen’s stomach turned.

“They’re married.”

“Oh.” Damn, she must’ve been straight. “That’s cool.”

Gwen allowed herself to really take in the girl’s appearance then. A cropped brown band tee. High-waisted acid wash jeans. Fucking  _ bright red _ hair. She was beautiful, and fashionable to boot. Beyond beautiful. Indescribable. And  _ definitely straight _ . Christ, Gwen always fucking did this to herself.

“Uh, so, I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it.” She paused for a second as Gwen stared at her. Maybe she was gay, since every theatre nerd is. “Wow, rough crowd. I’m Zoey.”

“You’re Zoey?”  _ She _ was Zoey?  _ That twink was dating this hottie? _

“Yeah. Gee, I guess someone already knows of me. Your name?”

“Oh, Gwen. Tanaka.”

“Oh, what a cool last name. Mine’s Brown. Lame, right?” Zoey Brown. Zoey Tanaka. Gwen Brown. Definitely Zoey Tanaka.

“Uh… noo.” Kinda. What was she, a farmer? Wait, that’s the lesbian dream. Maybe she could be gay…

“So where’d you hear about me?”

“Oh, Sierra Stocks. She told me that you were dating Mike. I actually met hi--”

“Dating Mike? Don’t make me laugh!” Zoey laughed. “Too late. C’mon, he’s gay. He has a boyfriend. Though you wouldn’t have known that.”

Casual conversation to find out if she was gay time.

“Soo… Do you listen to girl in red?” Foolproof.

“Yeah. I listen to most semi-popular indie artists, though.” Not foolproof! “But… back to me being lost? Where’s Mrs. C’s room?”

“Oh--” The bell rang. “Come with me, I’ll show you. We do both have it now, right?”

 

The screen of Noah’s phone burned holes in his brain. His cheeks were coated in the salt of his own dried tears. He didn’t fucking deserve to be upset. He didn’t deserve Owen, definitely. Noah was such a fucking baby. Owen deserved to choose who he wanted to be with. Owen could choose whatever he wanted for himself. Noah needed to stop being so horrible. So… horrible. Noah neded to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk how i feel about this chapter :/ Maybe chapter four will be better. Shout out to my refusal to edit anything! eat my raw writing, fellas!


	4. The Penultimate Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's gay, like I said. Noah doesn't have a breakdown! Gwen stops being (as much of) an idiot! I remember how to write things!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in, like, forever. I decided to end it at chapter five because my hyperfixation on the show is,, kinda gone. The next one will be out soon, though. Sorry for my bad writing last chapter, it was all written at like, 2am. This chapter should be a little better, and sorry again for the inconsistent update schedule! Leave a comment if you want to, because I could use the validation lmao.

Owen didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t know how he was feeling. He stared across the table at where his friends had sat. Noah had sat there even just on Monday. God, how things could change over a short period of time. Owen wanted to call, to see how he was doing. What happened to him?

Owen and Noah had been growing as friends so much. How did it all change so suddenly? Since the day Owen started dating Izzy, Noah hadn’t been to school. Not that there was correlation. Owen was NOT being hopeful. Why would that be being hopeful, Owen didn’t know. He felt like he was little again. He didn’t know what was going on, so he did his best to ignore his own feelings. That’s what he did with Izzy, when he started to suspect-- not making a comparison between the two situations, just how Owen acts-- that she liked him. Still, a what-if stuck in Owen’s mind. He cast the fantasies behind him and continued eating, Izzy clinging to his arm.

 

Sierra fidgeted with her ponytail. Heather looked over at her from through the mirror in which she was fixing her eyeliner. Though if it needed fixing, Sierra had low standards, ‘cause it looked perfect to Sierra. Her stare felt analyzing, but not quite cold. Sierra shivered a little and looked away. Heather could be a little scary sometimes. But it was balanced out by how incredibly attractive she was. While looks aren’t the only thing that mattered, they sure didn’t hurt Heather.

“What’s up?” Heather cautiously asked.

“What do you mean? I’m just sitting here.”

“You twirl your ponytail before you ask a question.”

“That’s… observant. Glad you know every little tic of mine. Sure makes me feel… fun.”

“I’m observant. It’s also not exactly subtle. Your hair is very… brightly colored. It’s very visibly when you twirl it. Like… a ribbon.”

“Well, uh. You’re a very interesting person, Heather.”

“Oh, my mom says the same thing.” Heather winked, which was a weird thing to do after mentioning your mom, unless it was the kind of joke, in which case it was normal.

“Right. But, well, I just wanted to know, I guess. You… you like guys, right? Like, uh…”

“What’s my sexuality? Is that what you’re asking?” Heather’s smile was a little softer now.

“I… yeah, I guess so.” Sierra winced. “Your sexuality, yep. Do you like dudes, or chicks, or...”

“Oh, I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.” Heather looked away with a serious expression on her face. Sierra looked away. Of course. She was definitely straight with a non-committal answer like that. Then again, maybe she didn’t feel comfortable coming out to Sierra. However, considering Heather was the stereotypical queen bee she was--

“I’m joking. I’m bisexual. I’ve come to terms with and thought about it. Though, I have a tendency--” She picked up a tube of lipstick, and applied it in two flicks of the wrist. She smacked her lips loudly. “--To prefer girls.” Sierra’s heart leapt. Holy shit, Heather wasn’t straight. Sierra wanted to pump her fist and shout for joy, but instead, squeaked out a single word.

“O..kay.” Then she paused to compose herself. “I’m.. I’m a lesbian.”

Heather grinned. “Well, I was guessing something like that. You’ve changed a lot in the past week. I like this new you. Is this you, or are you trying to be someone else?”

“I think… I think I’ve been being me. I like it.”

“I like it, too.”

 

Gwen was an idiot, a fool. Zoey was very cute, granted, but Gwen jumped the gun. How was she supposed to have that perfect, slowburn romance if she immediately wondered who would have whose last name in the marriage? No, just think of her as cute for now. If they entered a relationship, Gwen couldn’t jump the gun. You have to be married for like, three years before you should get married. Gwen’s thoughts always went a mile a minute, she really needed to slow down.

That’s what she was thinking as she sat down to lunch. She ate, scolding herself for her premature crush. She didn’t really know Zoey yet. Gwen had a surprisingly good view of her from her spot at the new lunch table. She also had a good view of Owen, but she didn’t utilize that one. She was still ignoring him after she blew up at him. Zoey sat with Mike and Cameron on one side of a table which housed geekier characters of the other half, so there wasn’t much room to sit. Zoey sat across from Mike and Cameron. Next to her sat that Dawn chick that Sierra had talked about.

Gwen stared at her for a minute, until her sight was blocked by someone sitting down across from her. It was Courtney. She was wearing a cute button-up. Gwen’s mind drifted back to what Sierra said. She shook it off as just being Sierra. She sure loved her shipping. Old habits take more than a few days to die, right?

“Uh, so is your… boyfriend okay?”

“Boyfriend?” Gwen snapped. She was suddenly not in the mood for this.

“Uh, whatever… whatever Noah is. You guys are just really sweet friends. God, sorry, uh… But, is he, like, is he chill?” Gwen glared at the wall that she could see past Courtney’s head.

“Why are you asking me about my ‘sweet friend’ Noah. Don’t you have constant class presidential duties?”

“Okay, sorry, I started off awfully here. I… Sorry, I’m Courtney--”

“I know your name.”

“--And I wanna know if Noah’s okay. He hasn’t been in debate, and he was a very good, uh, debater. You’re his best friend, right?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. You don’t have to worry about him, I can do that myself.”

“Listen, I… a little birdy told me, let’s say, that he could use, I don’t know, some cheering up. I don’t need to to confirm or deny that, but I wanna offer you, I don’t know, a way to cheer him up?”

“What are you going on about?”

“I’ll be straight with you, Gwen.” Courtney sighed. Sierra would be laughing right now. “My mom bought me tickets to the fair tomorrow to give to the friends that I may or may not have been lying to her about, and I want you two to come. So she isn’t, like, suspicious. I can’t say that all of my friends mysteriously couldn’t come on the same day.” She cleared her throat. “So, uh, could you two go with me?”

Gwen sighed. “Well…” She weighed it in her head. “...you’re awfully lucky I haven’t bought tickets yet--”

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” Courtney stood up. Gwen noticed she didn’t have a lunch tray. “You won’t regret it at all!”

“I don’t have to stick with you the whole time, do I?” Gwen grumbled.

“Well… No, but it--”

“Thanks, Courtney, see you later.”

“--I… I’ll see you. Hey, can I have your number so I can text you? My mom is giving us all a ride.” She handed Gwen her phone. The case was light pink with a painted acrylic flower on the back. Gwen entered her number into her contacts, and handed the phone back.

“Gwen… Thank you.” Courtney walked away with a spring in her step.  _ Classic Courtney _ , Gwen thought, but what was so classic, she didn’t know.

 

Art class (she had two that semester, as she had one on A-days and one on B-days) was the perfect place to stew in thoughts. Why did Courtney specifically ask Gwen and Noah? Was Sierra actually right? If Courtney asked Gwen out, what would Gwen say?

“Courtney’s pretty cute, huh?” Zoey gave Gwen an analyzing stare and made Gwen jump almost out of her seat.

“What? Why would… I, ah…” Gwen was completely dumbfounded.

“Hey, I’m just joking around. So were you, like, platonically giving her your number? What happened?” Gwen was relieved. So she wasn’t reading Gwen’s mind. Not, of course, that Gwen was thinking Courtney was cute. Though, if you thought about it…

“Oh, she had spare tickets to the fair, it’s kinda a long story.”

“It doesn’t sound like a long story if she just had  _ spare tickets _ .”

“She said her mom bought her spare tickets for the friends she’d been lying about having-- and I’m just now realizing she basically said she had no friends-- and asked me and Noah to come. Er, Noah and I.”

“Why specifically you guys?” Her eyes were a very pretty brown. They were dark enough to be startling next to her pale face and dyed hair.

“Hell if I know.” Gwen sighed. “I just hope Noah is in a mental state where he can actually leave the house now.”

“What happened? Someone said it has to do with Owen, but, like, gossip can’t really be trusted.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Gwen felt like trusting Zoey. She was nice and seemed trustworthy enough.

“Well, yeah. Though the more people you tell a secret, the less it truly is a secret.”

“I… Yeah.” Gwen cleared her throat awkwardly. “Uh, do you, like, want me to tell you, or?”

“Oh, right! Yeah, lay it on me.”

“Well…” Gwen leaned up to her ear to whisper, “Noah kinda has a  _ thing _ for Owen. Owen dating Izzy was like, at just the right timing that it felt like he was just doing it to prove a point. Noah’s been sulking because he’ll probably break down if he sees either Owen or Izzy. And…”

Gwen considered not telling her the next part. “And Izzy knows. We don’t know how long she has, but she basically threatened to tell him?”

“Yikes. And to think I thought moving to this school would be less drama. That thought’s been shattered.” She looked thoughtful. “Just glad this doesn’t include me in it.”

“Also, what you said about Courtney? Do you think she’s like, cute?”

Zoey looked at Gwen in a way that Gwen couldn’t quite place.

“Do I think she’s cute? I mean..” She coughed a little. “She’s, like, a girl, so obviously. I’m uh, bi.”

Gwen expected a thrilling sense of, I don’t know, success? Joy? That sweet, sweet feeling of being correct? But Gwen just sort of nodded. She was over the brief spurt of ‘oh my god, pretty new girl’. Maybe Courtney wasn’t a bad route to go.

Don’t think that, don’t think that. Courtney was cute, sure, but when she was dating Duncan? Gwen remembered how controlling she was. Then again, Duncan was a douchebag, and Gwen (hopefully) wasn’t. Gwen didn’t pay enough attention in her last classes, being too lost in a what-if. Or multiple.

 

Gwen knocked on Noah’s door. It was a knock she had been doing to signal that it was her. It was morse code for gay, something she thought was funnier in the moment she started doing it. Now it just felt hollow. Like the door. Noah answered it. His eyes were a little puffy. He just beckoned for her to come in.

His parents were still gone on an anniversary trip or whatever, so Noah wouldn’t get in trouble until  _ after _ they got back, when they saw his attendance.

“Brought homework. Also, I have an invitation for you. Something to lift your spirits.”

“Will Owen be there?” Noah looked at Gwen suspiciously.

“Well, maybe. But it’s the fair tomorrow, it's big enough that you won’t see each other unless the universe really, really has it in for you.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“Bounce back from this funk, dude. Everyone’s asking about you, and I’m sick of covering for you all the time.”

“...Fine. Fine. I’ll go. How much are tickets?”

“Uh, taken care of. Courtesy of Courtney’s mom.”

“What, did you hook up with her or something?”

“Fuck off, she had spare tickets and offered them to me. They’re missing you in debate class.”

Noah smiled. “Okay. I… I need to get out of this house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, folks, hits < kudos < comments


	5. The Actual Penultimate Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I underestimate how long the final chapter was gonna be and end up needing to split it up. Noah returns to being functional. Gwen has actually talked to Courtney before? And Sierra? Who cares, you're probably here for Nowen. But her life goes well in this chapter, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooo I know I said five, but I reached my usual length not even halfway through the last chapter, and instead of waiting as long to post it, I decided to split it up and post the first half early.

The weather was nice that day. Summer near autumn tended to be. Gwen had her window open, enjoying the fresh air. She’d sat in her pajamas all day, but Courtney would be there in roughly an hour. She sighed, standing up. She got dressed in a band tee and ripped jeans. She would be walking plenty today, so she chose to go with black sneakers instead of her lace-up boots.

She grabbed her over-the-shoulder bag and left for Noah’s house. Her parents weren’t home. Nothing new there. She rang the doorbell.

It took a minute for him to answer. When he did, not-quite-long hair half brushed, hairbrush in hand, he grinned at Gwen.

“Hey, come inside, nerd.” He let her past into the house. He was wearing a short-sleeved button-up and jeans. Business casual, that was about as casual as he got. Honestly, he looked nice. Noah continued brushing his hair as Gwen sat down on the couch. They had about a half hour left until five, when Courtney would be there, so they had a minute to just talk.

“How are you doing, Noah?”

“Better. I’m gonna try and go to school on Monday. After all, my parents will be back tomorrow, and they’ll definitely force me to.”

“Better than them not giving a fuck about it at all, though, right?”

“Nah, if I get a single missing assignment, it’s no electronics and sitting at the table until bedtime. I’m lucky when I get days off like this.”

“And the Owen thing? How are you holding up?”

“It’s… I need to support his choices, right? Even when I don’t completely…  _ agree _ with them. We’re friends, and it’s not my choice to make on who he dates.”

“I think everyone knows by now, y’know, that it’s not really gonna last. It’s like if Cody ended up dating old Sierra. Except, like, a little different, obviously.”

“Yeah, imagine if they actually dated. They don’t deserve each other in  _ plenty _ of ways.” Noah snickered.

“That’s for sure.” The two shared a laugh at how ridiculous it would be if they dated in  _ any _ universe.  _ Especially  _ a canon one. That would be bad writing!

They happily chatted about nothing truly important until Courtney got there. A car pulled up and Courtney got out. She was wearing a periwinkle tank top dress with  yellow embroidered flowers that Gwen could see from the window. Gwen tripped over her own feet (though later she would say there was a floorboard sticking out) on her way to the door. Noah snickered as he passed her.

“Eager much?” He opened the door.

“Noah! I made cookies.” Noah was handed a plate. “And by that I mean she forced me to make cookies to give to you and your parents.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Noah set it down on a side table. “Get up, Gwen.”

“Noah, you’re such an ass.” Gwen grumbled from the floor.

“Oh, Gwen! What happened?” Courtney pushed past Noah, helping Gwen to her feet. “Are you okay? You need to be careful, Gwen.” She was almost scolding.

“Bold of you to assume I wasn’t being careful,” Gwen muttered. She looked up at Courtney. She was a few inches taller than Gwen. “You’re here.”

“Obviously.” Courtney quickly turned away. “Come on, my mom’s waiting.”

 

“Izzy? We need to talk.”

“What about, big O?” Izzy’s green eyes blinked innocently in the sun. They were standing at the entrance to the fair. God, was it an awful place for this. They were about to buy their tickets, for pete’s sake.

“I know you meant for this to be a date, but…” He laughed nervously. She blinked more. It was really hot out. Wasn’t it fall? Why was it so hot out? Owen was sweating, though whether nervousness or heat was the cause, he had no idea.

“But…?”

“But… I don’t know…” Owen took a deep steadying breath. He felt the telltale knots of anxiety in his throat and stomach. “I don’t know if I really want to…”

“Don’t want to… go to the fair?” Izzy spoke as he braced himself.

“I don’t know if I really want to go out with you.” She looked wounded. She looked around them, as though searching for, I don’t know, a flash mob? A sign that says “just joking, he actually does like you”?

“But…” Tears formed in her eye. “I… I…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, uh…”

“No. I… I need to respect your decision. Maybe I’m not the one for you. Or guy.” She composed herself more, then winked. “Good luck finding the person that wrote the message.” She walked off.

“Haha, yeah… Wait, Izzy, how did you know about--?” She was gone in seconds. She had handled it so much better than Owen could have expected. Now, he had some apologies to make.

 

The way they avoided Owen was very easy. He was talking to Izzy in line where they were dropped off, so they just went to the ticket booth at the other end of the fair. The downside to this was that they had to go around the entire semi-permanent wall that encompassed the place, but it didn’t much matter, as the time passed quickly, and they got in line.

“Noah, of course he’s here. No, don’t give me that look,” Gwen said, as Noah glared at her. “Of course he’s here! Look in a corner and you’ll find Geoff and Bridgette making out.  _ Everyone _ is here. That’s why you won’t run into him unless you want to. It’s a big place, and he’ll be with Izzy. God knows that Izzy won’t want to be anywhere near you.”

“Encouraging, lovely job.” Noah hadn’t stopped glaring, but he was glaring ahead now. Then, he sighed. “Do we have to like, avoid him? I don’t wanna hate him forever. We’re friends, Gwen. I thought today was about  _ enjoying ourselves _ . Having fun. Not being mad at and hating someone who I’m never more than fifty feet away from at any given time.  _ Especially _ one that I have complicated feelings for.”

“Not to interrupt, but can you two move forwards?” Courtney sighed. The line had advanced quite a ways ahead of them. They rushed to catch up.

“My advice, only talk to him if he approaches you. That’s what I would do.” Gwen said.

“I have advice, Noah,” Courtney said. Gwen turned to look at her. They made eye contact for half a second, then Courtney shifted her gaze to Noah.

“Act normal. Don’t avoid him, but a wave is fine. You guys are friends, right?”

“Nobody is on much of good terms with Owen right now. We’re all kinda mad.” Gwen immediately shot Courtney down.

“Kinda mad? For what, him deciding he wants to date someone who actually  _ tells him _ that she likes him? For Noah being late to the race? You hesitated, Noah, and that’s not on Owen. He’s dating her, not because he likes her, but because she likes him. And I guess he thinks that having a girlfriend makes him more worthy of being treated like a person.” She glanced at Gwen and back to Noah who was averting his gaze. “Maybe treat him like a person instead of some kind of, I don’t know, innocent impressionable  _ child _ .”

“Courtney, cool it.” Gwen tried to cut in. Courtney turns to her.

“Gwen, he is, was, your friend, right? You’re supposed to treat friends like equals.” It didn’t feel like she was talking about Owen anymore.

It sounded an awful lot like she was talking about middle school.

 

Noah was on vacation. Gwen was completely lost. With Noah gone, she was alone. She sat at her usual, now empty, table. McLean Junior High. She had dark brown, undyed hair. It would’ve been her scene kid phase, if her parents weren’t worried so much about her image back then. She was at most allowed to wear black shirts, jeans, and silly bandz. The usual eighth grader aesthetic.

Courtney wore grey sweaters and tan skirts every day. Gwen remembered that. She wore cute, oversized sweaters, which she tucked into her skirt, but came untucked in the back. She was class president even back then. Elected by the few people who actually voted for those things in middle school.

She had just moved there that year. She’d had a boyfriend, but he had moved away himself after a week. Gwen wouldn't have been surprised if he had gone to Juvy.

It was around that week when they first talked. When Noah was gone.

Gwen was sitting, alone. A plate of cold chicken (if that’s what it even was) sat in front of her. She hated school lunch, but her parents were too busy at any given time to make her lunch, and she woke up far too late to make one herself.

Courtney sat across from her. They talked. It was so long ago, Gwen didn’t remember what about.

They became great friends that week. Then Gwen started to feel… weird about their friendship. It was something about Courtney’s sweaters. So the moment Noah was back, Gwen started to ignore Courtney. One conversation was burned into her brain.

“Courtney, leave me alone. I was only friends with you when Noah was gone. Stop trying to talk to me.” She regretted it. It came out wrong. She made Courtney cry.

They hadn’t really talked since then.

 

“That’s…” Gwen looked ashamed. “I get the feeling you’re…” Noah looked between the two, looking confused. The line advanced and Courtney took the lead. They were at the front. Courtney started to get their tickets. Gwen stared at the ground. Her right eye was cloudy with a tear. She felt awful. That memory had been so locked down. She was embarrassed of her actions, embarrassed by the long pause after Courtney spoke. Embarrassed that now she understood the sweater. Now she understood why she had felt so weird about the friendship.

Embarrassed that she felt that way still.

 

The mall. A place you can go year-round. A place that isn’t there only once a year. Heather didn’t want to go to the fair. Sierra was almost inclined to agree, though everyone else would be there. Everyone she knew, except for Heather. Heather said she didn’t want to be around a ton of other people. Sierra did not know if that meant anything, or if she was reading into it too much.

They didn’t even go into any stores. They were all boring after going almost every day that week. They just sat in the empty restroom. Why did popular people like Heather hang out in restrooms? Was Sierra popular now?

“Sierra, do you like anyone?” Straight to the money questions there, then! Should she lie?

“Doesn’t everyone? It’s like, senior year, and anyone who isn’t dating someone wants to, right? It’s like a rite of passage.”

“That’s one way of looking at it. Not everyone has a crush, though. You don’t need to excuse it away like that.” There was a pause.

“Do I know her?”

“Don’t you know everyone?” Sierra spoke. Heather laughed at that.

“It feels like it. I know most of the seniors. Most people in the school know me. But I don’t know everyone. If she’s a senior, I probably know her.”

“You know her.” Sierra turned on her phone and scrolled through Twitter, not even reading anything she was seeing. Her face was red.

“I have a crush, Sierra.” Heather looked at Sierra cautiously. Sierra felt her gaze, but did not return it.

“Oh, really? Do I know them?”

“Oh, don’t you know everyone?” Heather repeated the phrase. Heather gently pushed Sierra’s phone down. She was too close.

“Wanna know who it is?” Heather smiled. She was getting closer. Oh my god, oh my god.

“It starts with an S.” Sierra made eye contact. Her skin probably looked like it was stained red. It probably matched Heather’s lipstick. On that note, Heather’s lips shone in the fluorescent light of the bathroom.

She was a pretty good kisser.

 

“I thought you said your mom bought tickets?”

“She gave me money that I had to use to buy tickets. I need to be active in my community, and go to things.” Courtney still seemed cold beyond the tone that sounded like she was grasping for straws.

“Guys!” A voice that Gwen had been hoping she wouldn’t have to hear could be heard coming rapidly towards them. The trio turned and saw Owen. He was alone. His breath was short. Gwen looked annoyed. Noah looked away. Courtney seemed aloof. Between breaths, Owen spoke. “I… didn’t see you… at the ticket gate…!”

“We used the other side. On purpose.” Gwen said flatly.

“You don’t have to be mad at me anymore!” He was grinning. Why, had he written apology cards?  _ Sorry I’m dating someone who you all don’t like! Friends?  _ It was finally, at this moment, that Gwen realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. She couldn’t be mad at him for not wanting to date Noah--

“I broke up with her, Gwen! You were right!”  _ What?  _  And Noah, in a very un-Noah-like action, voiced the same sentiment.

“What?” Noah was finally looking at Owen now. Courtney tapped on Gwen’s shoulder.

“Hey, we’ll leave you two alone. Gwen and I need to talk.” And she pulled Gwen away, leaving Noah looking helpless, stuck talking to Owen alone.

“Courtney, I’m sorry about eighth grade, I really am.”

“What? Oh, god, we’re having that conversation. I just wanted to leave those two.”

“Earlier, you didn’t really sound like you were talking about Owen. When you told me to treat my friends like  _ human beings _ .”

“Maybe I’m bitter about it! Maybe you’re the only real friend I ever had, and even that didn’t last long. Maybe I thought we--” She hesitated. “--thought we could be friends.”

“I was thirteen, I had awful judgement. I was scared of change.”

“We all are, right?” Courtney laughed a little. “Though, like…”

“Though, like?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s go play some games.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy my attempt at actually making good writing.


	6. The Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I attempt to tie up all of the messy strings of this story. Well, mostly.  
> Noah is left alone with Owen. Twice. Gwen cheats at carnival games. Ferris wheel cliches ensue.

Fuck. Shit. Damn. They left him. Noah didn’t know what to do. He stared at the ground, embarrassed. He had half a mind to bring up the weather. Anything to end the damned silence.

“Where were you this week?” Owen’s tone was softer than Noah had expected. Noah didn’t even know _what_ he expected, but that probably wasn’t it.

“Uh... Mono?” Noah tried.

“Didn’t you have Mono in ninth grade, though? I thought you could only get it once.” Shit, damn, fuck.

“It was a… unique case.”

 

“Wow.” Owen looked everywhere but at Noah. He was reading too much into things, definitely. Noah was too cool to like Owen. Come to think of it, Owen didn’t even know if Noah was straight or not. Of course, he was probably straight. Though…

“Should we find them? They’re probably done talking.” Noah was still staring at his shoes. Owen hoped they were done talking. God, this was the first time Owen actually felt like _this_ around a guy. Or a girl, for that matter. Anyone. Noah was so different. He understood Owen, and talked to Owen, and he was _super cute and so smart_.

“Sure, let’s see,” Owen replied. Please let them be done talking. Owen knew he couldn’t stand there alone with Noah for much longer, he’s totally embarrass himself. Either say something, or… or do _something_ embarrassing. He knew he would. Best not to say, or _do_ anything else until they found the girls. Well, anything besides finding them.

 

“Oh, come on! This game is FUCKING RIGGED!” Courtney had hit the stand of milk jugs nearly perfectly. One of the milk jugs remained. She really was nearly perfect. That was one thought that Gwen immediately put in the vault.

“Of course it is.” The carnie was busy with another group of people to the left trying to win the rigged game. “You have one ball left. We could try a different way of winning.”

“Cheating? Gwen…”

“They cheated first! Besides, I’m _not_ leaving here without winning the stuffed polar bear. And, I have a way of winning without _really_ cheating.”

“How do you wanna win, then?” Courtney’s hair suddenly became very noticable to Gwen. She was close enough from leaning in to whisper that she could smell the strong artificial strawberry scent. She quickly stepped away. That was a creepy thought! Another one for the vault, then!

“Well, some of these are rigged to only work with a certain ball. The carnie--”

“Carnie?”

“It means a carnival worker, Courtney. See the ball he used to show us how easy it is to win? If we swap them out, we can win, plus big shocker to him when he tries to use the normal ball for a demonstration. The last jug must be heavier than the other two, so you need a heavier ball and more force to knock it over.”

“Can’t we just ask him if we can trade it out for that one?”

“He wouldn’t say yes, the whole thing with these games is that they don’t want us to win.” The ball was on a little stand attached to the inside of the collapsible counter. It would take a little sleight of hand-- or a distraction-- to swap the balls out. “Hey, Courtney, I’ll swap them if you distract the carnie.” Courtney nodded.

“Excuse me sir?” Courtney walked over to the carnie, standing slightly to the left of him so to face her he would have to turn away from Gwen. As Courtney went on asking if the carnie was _sure_ they were up to state standards on health code, Gwen watched for the perfect moment. The carnie rubbed his nose, eyes closed. He was turned towards Courtney. Minimal peripheral sight, check. Gwen quickly and dexterously swapped the balls. The new ball felt far heavier in her hand. She had been right, then.

“Yeah, we’re up to code, do you wanna finish playing or not?” Gwen subtly gave Courtney a thumbs up.

“Well, if you insist.” Courtney walked back over and took the ball from Gwen. She adjusted her footing, and threw it sidearm at the final jug. It connected and knocked the can over with a thud, instead of the clang the other two had made. The carnie stood there, almost dumbfounded.

“What, were we not _supposed_ to win?” Courtney smirked a little. She stopped, however, when Gwen subtly elbowed her.

“We… have a winner!” The carnie pushed a button and a bell rang three times overhead. They made a pretty neat team.

 

“There they are!” Noah watched Owen rush towards where Gwen-- and a giant stuffed polar bear with Courtney’s legs visible behind it-- were standing.

“Oh, hey, Owen. Hia, Noah. We were going to go and get a rental locker so Courtney doesn’t have to carry this all day.”

“They’re free with tickets, though, right?” Noah asked. It had been that way last year. God, they were juniors a few months ago. Weird.

“Shit, I think you might be right. Let’s go find out.”

It turned out that Noah was right. They showed the rental guy their tickets, and he basically said that they could have one free locker for four people. Noah laughed a little at the convenience.

It was barely big enough to squeeze the stuffed bear into.

“Man, guys, we find you twenty minutes after getting here, and you’d already won the biggest prize in the place?”

“We aim big,” Gwen said simply.

“I just can’t believe Gwen let me keep it, what with her big thought-through _totally not cheating_ plan.” Courtney laughed a little.

“God, do I want to know?” Noah grinned, glancing at Owen. They made eye contact and quickly both looked away. There was a brief yet uncomfortable silence.

“Who wants to get food?” Courtney tried. It was almost an hour since they left Noah’s house. The sun got lower with every minute, as it tended to do when it wasn’t rising. It was around the time when Noah would normally eat, so he was getting hungry. He was ready to stuff his face with the shittiest fair food he could find.

“I could eat,” He replied.

They swept through the fair in search of food. And at last, in the distance, a gold mine. Food trucks covered in colorful swirls, a crowd of people at each. A few collapsible food booths. The smell of fried dough and sugar melted with hot dogs and corn dogs and hamburgers and the occasional more exotic food. Sensory hell, but it was bearable. Maybe even a bit nice. 

They ate a lot.

 

The line for the ferris wheel was far too long. Despite towering into the sky, each box only fit two people, side-by-side. They could’ve squished and (mostly) all made it, but rules are rules. Well, they mostly were. Gwen smiled a bit at their earlier hijinks. They hadn’t technically done anything wrong.

They let Noah and Owen go first. They would be on soon. It looked like They would make the next ride. The wheel took off, quicker than when it was loading, and made multiple rounds. The wheel was far enough away and fast enough that they couldn’t easily keep track of their friends, so they decided to talk instead. 

“You know…” Courtney started. “I’m not really still _mad_ , just a little bitter. Back then I guess I thought, wow, finally, I can’t wait to have a best friend. It hurt when you… said you didn’t want to stay friends with me I guess? It was painful to… lose you? I don’t know, it’s whatever.”

“I know. I was awful. It’s just… everything felt so weird about us being friends. I couldn’t deal. Noah was someone-- is someone I’m comfortable around. Man, can we lighten up?”

“Hey, Gwen. Honest question. Kinda a weird one?” 

“Yes, I’m gay.”

“I mean, that… answers my question, but… I was gonna ask if you liked Noah or something. You and him are just so close. Sorry, like, I didn’t mean to assume that because you’re friends with someone--”

“It’s fine. Noah and I have been friends for awhile, we’re used to it.” Gwen mentally beat herself up for assuming that Courtney would-- Gwen was just… She needed to act on the assumption that Courtney was the straightest person alive.

“Yeah, also, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m gonna hit on--”

“I’m bi, Gwen, you don’t have to say that.” Was anyone that Gwen knew straight?

“That’s… That’s cool. That’s a little unexpected, honestly.” A group got off the ferris wheel at last, and Courtney and Gwen got on.

 

Noah looked anywhere but at Owen. They slowly rose to the top of the ferris wheel, and Noah could see for a few miles all around. A question tore at his stomach. A _why_ question.

“Why… why did you do… what you did?” Owen looked at Noah, confused. “Why did you… break up with her?”

“She wasn’t what I wanted. There’s other people I figure I can date and be far… happier.” They began to dip back down.

“Why weren’t you happy?” Noah stopped to consider whether this was too personal. Owen paused for awhile. They reached the bottom of the wheel and began to go up again.

“I don’t know. It’s like, I sound awful, but… I only dated her to prove a _point_ , I guess. That I was mature, that I could date… _someone_. So first, I tried to find the person who sent me… a message. Saying that they liked me, I guess. But I… I guess I didn’t know where to go with that. So I asked Izzy out. She kinda acted like she liked me, so… I don’t know.” Noah’s hands felt clammy as they reached the peak of the ferris wheel. He had sent it. He wanted to speak but he couldn’t.

“I guess you think that was dumb. Everyone did. Gwen yelled at me in the hallway a little. You didn’t really have mono, did you?”

“...What are you implying?”

“Nothing, just… why were you really gone?”

“So yeah, that means you _were_ implying that I lied about the mono.”

“It wasn’t even implied. I said it out loud.” Orange light was cast onto the two. Owen’s eyes nearly glowed. They sank towards the ground.

“I… Owen…” Noah didn’t have a lie prepared. “I was…”

“The timing was kind of weird.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Noah said softly. Owen could still hear him over the increasingly loud carnival noises as they lowered.

“Noah, what does that even mean? God, please just be clear with me.” They rose once more. Noah saw Courtney and Gwen below them, talking and laughing a little. He had no believable lies.

“Okay, I was gone because of what happened. I was sulking because you and Izzy were dating. I got along so well with her last year! She changed since then! She started clinging to you more, and, fuck, I got jealous!”

“Of me hanging with her more?”

“Of you dating her. Jesus, I’m awful for it! I sent you an anonymous message just cause I had to tell you _somehow_ , cause I know that we’re just friends, and I didn’t want to fuckin’ ruin that. I didn’t wanna come out to anyone until I was out of highschool and didn’t have to risk being outed to my parents. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone unless I told you anonymously.” 

“You sent the message?” Owen looked pink. Noah felt pink.

“I get it that you just wanna be friends, and I feel scummy for making a scene about you dating her, but I promise I won’t bother you about it! I know it probably makes things weird, but--” Owen turned and lightly grabbed Noah’s far shoulder.

“Noah, I also sorta broke up with her because I was into you.”

“No way, dude.” Noah was filled with adrenaline.

“Oh my god, dude, I’m so happy! You sent the message!” Owen laughed and hugged Noah. Noah joined in on the laughter.

“Hey, Noah?” Owen asked as the ferris wheel stopped at the top to load new people on. The line moved two people forward. 

“Yeah?” Noah looked up at Owen. Owen’s hair shone golden.

“Uh, weird question, but… can I kiss you, maybe?” Owen looked nervous as Noah laughed.

“Sure, you idiot.”

 

“Gwen, listen, I know the whole ‘confesses on a ferris wheel’ thing is cliche, but, honestly, I don’t think I’ve been this happy in awhile.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot who’s been sulking in your room for a week.”

They were walking around the carnival, now. The sun had set and the place was lit by carnival games and sparse temporary streetlights. Noah and Owen were already gingerly holding hands. Well, at least as they walked away from the ferris wheel. The farther they got from it, the tighter they held hands.

“My mom will be here soon. One more ride before we wait for her at the gate?”

“How about Gravitron?” Gwen suggested.

“Good choice.” Courtney steered them towards where the map said gravitron was set up.

 

Around a month later, people were asking other people to homecoming. Gwen had nothing to lose.

“Hey, so, Zoey?” It was after art class. Gwen figured she might as well ask Zoey for help.

“Yeah, Gwen?”

“Do you think you could help me? I mean, like, I’m friends with someone but I wanna ask her to homecoming, but, like, romantically. Do I ask her to homecoming first or confess to her first?”

“Uh… depends on the girl?”

“Courtney, you know her?”

“Our class president? Gee, Gwen, probably… I don’t know, confess to her first? Wait, you actually like Courtney?”

“Yeah, like… She’s been so… nice over the past month. We’ve been hanging out so much more, and, like, we have way more in common than I would have _ever_ guessed. She’s just… _great_.”

“And attractive to boot, right?” Zoey teased.

“Maybe so.” Gwen laughed. 

 

Courtney was orchestrating a plan which would go into effect the moment the lunch bell rang. Well, not presently orchestrating, as that work had already been done. More like… anxiously waiting for. Like a Rube-Goldberg set to go off any minute. She was restless and kept texting Owen to make _sure_ everyone was ready. Sierra and Heather were in place, at least they told Courtney that. God only knows if they weren’t actually making out in a closet.

And Noah had helped with the plan. He was much more… bubbly than before. Like he was happier. He still made plenty of jokes. Nowadays, less sarcastic jokes and more-- god forbid it-- puns. And Owen would laugh goofily. Gwen had begun being more clingy, and Courtney felt special. Was this how people acted when they were… friends?

And Courtney had tried to stop feeling the way she did. She was going to ruin everything again, just like middle school. But at least this time, she was ready to deal with those feelings. The bell rang, and Courtney took a deep breath.

Well, here goes nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank GOD I'm done with this. I did not expect my story to take six chapters.


	7. Not a Chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick announcement to the people who subscribed to this fic/ who see it now!

Heya all! I was planning on abandoning this series after I finished this story line. But-- guess what! I'm making it into a series! Stay tuned for a new fic set after this one, and maybe more after that!


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